He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
