I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
