im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if i can run in heels then i can drive
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
