you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
