The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
