Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
