You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
