Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Congratulations! We have a period
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