Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
