Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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