its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am available for nakedness
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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