i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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