No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
