You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
