You're my little dorito
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
no. you can't hotbox the world.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
