wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
