and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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