I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
