Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
