I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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