Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
