I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
