and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
