this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
