he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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