Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we're making bets on your personal life
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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