I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
