I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
