last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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