For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
