we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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