so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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