Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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