I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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