I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
