Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
