I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
