Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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