Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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