Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
