Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
