you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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