Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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