if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
