3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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