so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
