why didn't you poke me back
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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