I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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