I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
