Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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