TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize