Jerry, you need to find god
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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