so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
