I just made out with a guy for $7.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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