is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
