I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
