He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
