im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
