you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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