So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
