when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
