So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
