i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize