Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
