Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
