who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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