gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
