I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
