i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
