Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
