I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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