Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
