Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
