I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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