i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
