you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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