Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
