He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
