And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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