just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm both gender and math confused
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
