the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
