we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
