so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
