goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
