i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize