I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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