Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize