Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
