i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
