if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
FUCK WHALES
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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