please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize