we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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