if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
