I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
