I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
