I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
